I love you leather couch

I love you leather couch. i wish i was you. except we fart on you.

Do you know how hard it is to be in kindergarten?

[Maria's stressed out and running late for school, on halloween party day...she just got in trouble in the car]
Maria: Do you know how hard it is to be in kindergarten??!!!!
Dad: Not very
Maria: We only get one recess a day!

Bring Back The Hot Dogs

Daniela: Why does daddy have to go to work?
Maria: Somebody has to bring back the hot dogs.

Coolest Car In The World

[Right after getting a minivan]
Maria: You know what the coolest car in the world is? A minivan.

Handsome Boys Are My Deal

Maria: Handsome boys are my deal.

No Shit

[Dad is changing Daniela's poopy diaper in the morning, and gets a little on her shirt. Daniela is in her "no" stage.]
Dad: Ahhh, shit.
Daniela: No shit.

On Philosophy

Maria: I'm so glad I have you and Mommy and...me.
Dad: What would you do if you didn't have you?
Maria: Not be.